Friday, April 07, 2006

Official No Blood for Hubris Mental Health Interlude

Yuh, okay, so I used to number these, but I'm too lazy to go back and count. Maybe it's interlude number six. Who cares? I need a break. How about you?

His closest advisors came to visit Dubya at the White House one evening and found him slamming down beers and whooping it up. They were astonished, since he had given up drinking years ago. When asked why he was off the wagon, Dubya replied that he was celebrating finishing a jigsaw puzzle. They smiled and told him that wasn't much of an accomplishment. "Ah, but you're wrong. I did it in record time!" When asked what that record was, he replied that he had finished it after only 6 months. Again, they told him that wasn't that great. "Oh yeah?" said the commander in chief, "Well, the box says 3-5 YEARS!"

George H. W. Bush and George W. Bush were dragging the deer they had just shot back to their truck. Another hunter approached, pulling his along, too.

"Sirs, I don't want to tell you how to do something," he said, " But I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer the other way. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."

After the third hunter left, they decided to try it. A little while later George said to George, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"

"Yeah," says George, "but we're getting farther from the truck."

Cheney gets a call from his "boss", Dubya.

"I've got a problem," says Dubya.

"What's the matter?" asks Cheney.

"Well, you told me to keep busy in the Oval Office, so, I got a jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."

"What's it a picture of?" asks Cheney.

"A big rooster," replies Dubya.

"All right," sighs Cheney, "I'll come over and have a look."

So he leaves his office and heads over to the Oval Office. Dubya points at the jigsaw on his desk.

Cheney looks at the desk and then turns to Dubya and says, "For crying out loud, Georgie - - put the corn flakes back in the box!"

Extremists overthrow the US government, and they start rounding up important American politicians to execute. A firing squad is convened and Al Gore, Bill Clinton, and George W. Bush are all marched to a wall to be shot. As the extremists are loading their guns, Al Gore thinks, "Hmm. I've got to cause a diversion so I can get away." He yells "Oh, no. A TORNADO!!" and points behind the firing squad. As the extremists turn around to see if there is a tornado approaching, Al Gore jumps over the wall behind him and runs away.

The firing squad turns their attention back to the two men who are left. C linton quickly observes how well Gore's ruse has worked and yells "EARTHQUAKE!!" As the firing squad frantically looks for a place to take cover, Clinton jumps over the wall and he, too, escapes.

The firing squad resumes their stance and proceeds to take aim at George W. Bush. Dubya, believing that he, too, can create a diversion, frantically searches his mind for another natural disaster to use. Smiling to himself, he yells "FIRE!!"


Neil Shakespeare said...

LOL! Great jokes, dude! Thanks for the laugh.

Lizzy said...

Fire at will.

No Blood, you are a dude. I always thought you were a dame.

Anonymous said...

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No Blood for Hubris said...

What about the progressive women's blog ring, as if, like, down below? What if I'm not quite what someone had (perfectably reasonably) thought about?


No Blood for Hubris said...

Anyhow, lizzy, yes, I'm a dude only in the widest sense of dudedom. But "dudette" sounds so, so, Katie Couricky, does it not?

Libby said...

Thanks Hubris. I needed that.