Regard each and every phenomenon of this world as being dreamlike;
Like a magical illusion;
Like a bubble in sparkling water,
Like a shadow,
Like a flash of lightning . . .
Yes, Virginia, just as mega-scientist Michael Crichton says, there's really no such thing as Global Warming.
That's why this here WaPo Story about this here Quelccaya glacier in Peru is misleading. Although it certainly seems to be melting, is not really melting.
Is that clear? This here other glacier melting doesn't matter either.
OK, so it's melting, but not in an important way. In way more like, who cares, glaciers have been melting for, like, forever. Man didn't make this mess. OK?
All the Know-Nothing Dirty Bushist NaziCons say so. And so does Dirty Bush. And also Dirty Dick.
Of course, they also say that invading Iraq was a good thing, that up is down, black is white, torture is virtuous, laws are for pussies, clean is dirty, dirty is clean, war is peace, poverty is happiness. And if you're not happy, who cares, because God's Great Vacuum-Cleaner is going to suck you all up to Heaven real soon, so why bother.
Or maybe God, annoyed by the horrid hell on earth the Know-Nothing Dirty Bushists have created, will turn some of the Bushist perpetrators into, oh, say, pillars of salt. Or smite them soundly in some other way that each one richly deserves. Beyond mere tar and feathers and a permanent trip to Gitmo.
But the glaciers will still go on melting, until--
1. Someone yells, "Snakes! We got motherfuckin' snakes!"
(This part's pretty much accomplished. All but the 30% diehard Know-Nothing Dirty Bushists agree that there are indeed Snakes on Our national Plane).
Recognizing this truth, the rest of us need to follow the lead of Samuel L. Jackson, and take all appropriate action to--
2. "Get these motherfuckin' snakes off this motherfuckin' plane!"
(Oh, and looky here, what's this? Something dreadful this way comes!
ALL PEOPLE WHO LEAD OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES SHOULD BE CONSIDERING PREPARATIONS TO MITIGATE THE ADVERSE EFFECTS OF 100 DEGREE HEAT AND HEAT INDICES OF 105 TO 110 DEGREES THIS COMING TUESDAY AND WEDNESDAY. THIS SERIOUS HEAT EPISODE REQUIRES SPECIAL PRECAUTIONS FOR THE ELDERLY ...SHUT-INS...CHILDREN ... ANIMALS... AND THOSE WITH HEALTH PROBLEMS... ESPECIALLY RESPIRATORY. THIS SPELL OF NEAR RECORD HEAT MAY PROVE DANGEROUS TO HUMAN HEALTH...IF SAFEGUARDS ARE NOT APPLIED.
Ptui! More of these Gol-durn pussy nannystate announcements! Moi, I so prefer the abortionists-of-the post-born, drunken-abusive-Daddystate approach, do not you?)
Quelccaya glacier melting
Snakes On a Plane