We must teach our children, especially our young men, that to be a "man" does not mean beating one's wife into submission. That is not a measure of strength, but rather profound and pathetic weakness. The Prophet (pbuh) said, "The strong man is not one who can wrestle someone to the ground. Rather, the strong man is the one who can control himself when he gets angry." We all must heed this Prophetic wisdom.
If we know that a man is an abuser, he must not be allowed to marry again and continue the cycle of abuse. Imam Mohamed Hagmagid Ali of the ADAMS center in Virginia first made that call, and I echo it. Sister Aasiya was the third wife of her accused killer, and the two other women filed for divorce because of spousal abuse. How could this be? It does not matter who the man is; if he is a abuser, and does not want to change, then he should not be allowed to marry. Period.
My heart bleeds for the family of sister Aasiya. My heart bleeds for this terrible tragedy. My heart bleeds for the countless other women - Muslim and otherwise - who endure terror at home at the hands of those who should be their best and closest companions.
And my heart burns with rage at those who think that beating their wives is sanctioned by our beautiful faith. They are terribly mistaken. Islam does nothing of the sort, and God does not accept this terrible behavior. Neither should the Muslim community.
Wake up, Muslim community! Wake up! There must never be another Aasiya Zubair. There must never be another instance of an "honor killing." Nay, from this day forward, there must never be another spouse who goes home to a place where she does not feel safe. As Muslims, who are accountable before God on the Day of Judgment, we must eradicate the stain that is domestic violence from our community, once and for all.