Sunday, August 28, 2005

Bubble Boy: Sending Our Kids to Die For His Right to Remain A Maroon!

Well, not just for Bubble Boy's right to remain a maroon*. It's really about fighting for all his Bubble Boy-ist maroons' right to retain their maroon-ness.

It's the big-time Dirty Bush trifecta for America: fighting to bring us fiscal bankruptcy, moral bankruptcy, and the right to remain an unregenerate maroon!

You've got to admit, he's as good at doing the true trifecta as he is at clearing brush and raising money.

Number one--there's no money left for anything, really. They spent it all on tax cuts and the Bubble Boy's war. There being no money left was Bubble Boy's Grover-Norquistian plan. Starve the beast. Help government shrivel away and DIE. And it's really working! They're dismantling military bases left and right--mostly in blue states, as punishment for not being red states.

There's no money left for helping with hurricanes like Katrina, there's no money left to treat all the veterans their evil maroon war gave PTSD to, there's no money to inspect air travelers' luggage, there's no money to protect city subways, they're shutting down Walter Reed--who needs hospitals when people can just pray?

Number two--bringing us moral bankruptcy. Rumsfeld gives orders to torture prisoners, but they need to frame it like it isn't torture, but of course, it is. Rummy tells the military, the military tries to object, Rummy tells the military to shut the fuck up. Rummy sends the Gitmo Guy to Abu Ghraib, and "contractors" -- that would be mercenaries -- come in and tell the grunts what kind of torture they want, and against whom. Then the grunts get caught, the mercenaries vanish, the grunts go to jail. Perfecta trifecta. The photos come out, & recruiting for Al Qaeda triples.

Don't forget--the best photos are still to come! Yes, yes, we're SO a Christian nation, big-time! Who would Jesus NOT torture? Who would Jesus NOT assassinate?

Number three--puffing up with MAROON PRIDE! Sending our (well, really, YOUR) children to die so WE can continue to be maroons, act like maroons, make stupid decisions like maroons, lie through our teeths like maroons, poison our very own air and water and food like maroons, make fun of smart people like maroons do, big-time name-call all non-maroons, and then, oops, now post-Cindy we're starting to come apart at the seams, like maroons in despair.

Oh, dear. It's getting SO hard to keep that maroon pride going. There are these maroon mood swings that make aides wonder if they need to call the little men in white coats, there's a suddenly chain-smoking ex-librarian, there are temper tantrums, there's intermittent explosive-type events, oopsie, there is gnashing of teeth and stomping of feet, and minions trying to cover it all up.

Yes, of course Bubble Boy is upset. He's losing the war he wanted to win so he could be a war president!!

Chokes on pretzels, falls off Segways, starts wars to compete with his Daddy, but it turns out after all, that Father knew best. Oh, my. What a maroon.

(N.B. "What a ma-ROON!" reprises Bugs Bunny's classic phrase conferring moron stature on him or her to whom said phrase is directed. Bugs Bunny is, well, Bugs Bunny.)


Darryl said...

Like your post but it's moron, mot moroon.

No Blood for Hubris said...

"Maroon" reference is to cartoon character's characterization, calling a moron a "maroon" on purpose to demonstrate moronity. Believe "What a maroon!" was Bugs Bunny's phrase, initially. I will Google it.

No Blood for Hubris said...

Finished googling. Yes, the phrase, "What a maroon!" is a classic Bugs Bunnyism.

Bugs Bunny is, well, Bugs Bunny, Warner Brothers cartoon character from way back. (I think it's Warner Bros. Am I going to have to google that? Nah.)

Tutor said...

You are quite a writer. Enjoyed your post, as I am sure you enjoyed writing it. Cathartic. Added you to the Wealth Bondage Blogroll.

Anonymous said...

I like that, funny.

Hookah Saisha

Anonymous said...

by the way, why did you use bubble boy?

Hookah Saisha

No Blood for Hubris said...

Because he lives separated from the real world, like the Boy in the Bubble (one who, due to constitutional delicacy, cannot survive in the real world, and therefore must live inside a self-contained unit breathing prepared air only--google for original, tv version, then Seinfeld version).

Secondly, because he is an airhead.