Monday, October 26, 2009

It's All About Me. No Really. It Is.

So I've belatedly discovered that the bushist fascists with their dreadful profit-driven health-insurance-healthcare-denial-serf/slavery system have contaminated my mind, and left me vicariously traumatized. Which had been too traumatized to notice until the day before yesterday. No, really.

Here were (are?) my symptoms: irritability, anxiety, panic, angry outbursts (NOT a usual behavior for me), insomnia, hypervigilance. Occasional upsurges of wanting to kick something sentient (REALLY not a usual discursive thought-stream for me.)

So, in the tiny sliver of co-consciousness that miraculously accompanied these behaviors/subjective experiences, I'm like, where is this all coming from?

Which it took me a while to figure out.

It is not my anxiety. (Although I have every possible reason to worry about what I worry about). It isn't mine -- it's theirs. The people I work with at work. I am bringing my work home. And I have been sharing worry about suicidal clients whose insurance providers, in order to save pennies on meds, are dumping people off the latest anti-psychotic drugs and replacing them with cheaper generics or with really old drugs left over from the 1950's. Thus de-stabilizing the previously stable.

I mean, how stupid is that?

And I can't do anything about it. There is no way for me to intervene in this system. I can watch them go from ok on an outpatient basis, to needing to be inpatient, but inpatient is too expensive, so they re-do their meds and spit them out on the streets again, still unstable.

And what is my part in this? Like watching a plane headed into a tall building.

"Oh. Look."

That plane -- is going to -- hit -- that building."



So what am I, what are we, supposed to do?


democommie said...

No Blood For Hubris:

It appears that the insurers do learn things from time to time. I think they are simply applying the lessons learned by Massachusetts when it emptied its state mental hospitals and put patients back in the communities from whence they came. Of course they are also applying their historically efficient (from the perspective of profitability) practice of NOT supplying the appropriate meds and counselling service.

Anonymous said...

Yes. In a pennywise poundfoolish kinda way.

Kvatch said...

So what am I, what are we, supposed to do?


Anonymous said...

That's certainly our Plan B - Australia. Plan C - back to Nepal. Plan D - Europe.