Monday, March 20, 2006

Official No Blood for Hubris Mental Health Interlude

Day after day. Samsara. (Not the perfume). Torture, war, poverty, stupidity, hubris, blah blah birth, death, sickness, old age, passion, aggression, ignorance. Sometimes one just needs a break.

"Last night, Jessica Simpson turned down an invitation to meet President Bush at a fundraiser. Yeah, Bush said he invited Simpson because he likes being around people who challenge him." --Conan O'Brien
"President Bush was clearing brush at his ranch when he was scratched by a tree. That's a switch, a tree harming a Republican, when does that ever happen? I guess Bush has cut down so many trees they're starting to fight back now" --Jay Leno
"President Bush's approval rating is not good. A new Gallup poll puts it at just 36% which is a new low for his presidency. He is just slightly more popular than herpes now." --Jimmy Kimmel
"I know the country has been mired in deficit spending and it's been terrible burden on the country in terms of interest payments. Good news today out of Washington. They haven't paid down the debt or come up with any program to do so. What they did is raise the limit of debt we can go to to $9 trillion. It sends a great message to the kids: Hey, are you getting an F? Don't study harder, make the grading curve go out to K. Then your F looks like a C." --Jon Stewart
'In response to a request by the 9/11 commission, the White House agreed to declassify the president's daily intelligence briefing from August 6th titled "Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States." The commission also wants to see the August 20th briefing, "No Seriously Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States," and also from August 26th, "Mr. President, Please Put Down the Game Boy, Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States."' —Tina Fey
"Earlier today, the Pentagon launched the biggest air attack in Iraq since 2003. The White House said the attack will continue until President Bush's approval rating goes above 40%." --Jay Leno
"We're coming up to the third anniversary of the invasion of Iraq. I'm not sure how Bush is going to mark the occasion. I think we can rule out landing on an aircraft carrier and declaring mission accomplished." --Jay Leno
"Mexican President Vincente Fox announced that they have discovered oil under the Gulf of Mexico. In a related story, President Bush accused Mexico of having weapons of mass destruction." --Jay Leno
"Rumors are that the reason Dick Cheney didn't say anything about the hunting accident for about 24 hours was because he had been drinking. And I'm thinking, well jeez, he was probably drinking when we planned the invasion of Iraq." --David Letterman
"President Bush said that Bill Clinton has become so close to his father, he is like a brother. Which is great because it gives the first President Bush the smart son he never had." --Jay Leno

1 comment:

Neil Shakespeare said...

Thanks for the laughs, dude. Wonderful compilation, most of which I hadn't heard. As to's sort of a take it if you can get it thing, it seems.