Relief Is Not What You Think It IS What You Think Hook Line Sinker

A bracing, anti-inflammatory here.

Department of Why How We Look at Things Matters

Once a year, in the weeks before Thanksgiving, I go to the local knife-sharpener to get my knives sharpened. The knife-sharpener is a vet with PTSD, and he knows I'm a therapist. He remembers my first name, every year. He remembers that I see children. Sometimes he remembers that I see both children and adults. He often doesn't remember that my clinical specialty is treating complex PTSD. He didn't remember that today.

In the course of today's conversation, I mentioned that one of the worst misconceptions that people in the military had/have about how to treat PTSD was and is the belief that no one can treat combat PTSD unless they have been in combat. Which is dead wrong. Brain surgeons treat brain problems without having to have those problems themselves. Clinicians don't need to have PTSD (or to have had) successfully to treat people who have PTSD.

My point here is not about PTSD, it's about the weight of thoughts.

How stubborn clinging to beliefs in itself is enough to alter our behavior. In this case, this thought, this single thought stuck inside this person's head, is enough to keep him -- and so many others like him -- from receiving the assistance toward healing they say they wish for.

Remarkable instance of cause and effect.

So, in honor of the knife-sharpener's lost-lasting pre-conceptions, and acknowledging the causal power of immaterial thought to successfully produce effects in the material world, I toast to increased awareness and flexibility of mind.

Let Them Eat Cake? No! Let Them Make Tea!!

I work with people (adults and children) who have chronic complex PTSD and dissociative disorders, many of whom self-injure, and many if not most of whom have suicidal ideation, and some of whom are actively suicidal. Meaning that sometimes they act on their thoughts.

When I, as their clinician, think they are a danger to themselves or others, part of a safety plan we've put together includes going for an evaluation at a hospital or crisis center. I don't just send people to the ER on a whim, because that would be, well, idiotic, would it not? Generally, I try to speak with someone there to express my concerns, and my familiarity with my patients' patterns. If they listen to me.

Lately, that hasn't been so much the case. And I am discovering many of my colleagues are having similar experiences. Seems like, more and more, people who should be inpatient are not being admitted, whether it's because of having poor insurance with poor benefits, or I'm not sure what.

It is often very hard for people who are a danger to themselves or others to admit that. So the act of actually going to an ER and saying, yes, I have been having those thoughts, and yes, I am afraid I will act on them, is really quite a step forward, clinically-speaking. For someone to respond to that admission in a trivializing way, as in the "Oh, it's not so bad, why don't you just go home and make a cup of tea" (which actually just happened, I kid you not) gatekeeper incident, is completely unacceptable.

Obama, who is quite ready to spend on physical infrastructure (roads, bridges, etc.) needs to spend money on shoring up our social infrastructure -- mental health and child welfare, doing it from the bottom up, not from the top down. More services, not fewer. More services for the most endangered.

Are we hypnotized, as a nation, by some weird gender-biased kinda frame? Bridges and roads are visible, strong, real and manly and tough? Minds are invisible, weak, fickle, unreal, not truly existent, thus unworthy of making a top priority?

Virtue Is Its Own Reward But Pays No Pottersville Bills

Exemplary blogger JurassicPork of Welcome Back to Pottersville could benefit from a deeper appreciation of his work. Quickly.


Do do what you can.

Official No Blood for Hubris Mental Health Interlude

I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him. She says, "Hello!" He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids.'" Now his mind travels back to the one and only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and asks, "Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???" She looks deep into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

Official No Blood for Hubris Mental Health Interlude

Some unusually troubling stories lately.

Scroll down if you want a reprise, but I don't recommend it.

As an antidote, let me make an offering of some advice that I first heard at a friend's wedding:

If we rely on ordinary, dualistic mind, we cannot have deep and lasting love either for our equals or for less fortunate beings, because ordinary dualistic mind depends on the uncertainty of temporary circumstances.

If we believe that mind is continuous, our love for others becomes continuous. If we recognize this continuity, we do not trust temporary, tangible circumstances or take them too seriously.

If we believe in the continuity of mind, then love inconspicuously connects us to the ones we love with continuous positive energy, so that even tangible separations between people who love each other do not reduce the intangible power of love. This love is automatically enduring since it is not easily affected by circumstances.

If we can keep from grasping at others with the selfish fear of losing them, or the hope of possessing them through the unawareness of our ordinary, dualistic mind, then the energy of love increases and its quality of giving energy to others opens and expands. The positive habit of continuity is created by not depending on what occurs each moment as if it were the only moment.

By believing in the continuity of mind, we acknowledge the continuity of all circumstances, including our experiences of love, which are not just for one moment or for one life.

(T. Norbu, White Sail)

Department of And Now For Something Completely Different, No Blood for Hubris Official Mental Health Interlude

This is George Orwell's grave. Look closely.
Is he spinning in it?

Fine article on inspiring experiential transcendentalist Harvard neuroanatomist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, here.

Click through to her absolutely fabulous speech, Stroke of Insight, at TED, and watch it all the way to the end. Or just click here.

-------------------------------
The No Blood for Hubris Official Mental Health Interlude endeth here. I'm off to the hinterlands, unlikely to post. Talk amongst yourselves.

In the meantime, something really disturbing from Big Tent Democrat at TalkLeft. The point is to click through to the actual videoclip from YouTube, & watch and listen to the very end.

(I thought about writing about it, but it was really too disturbing. So I'm not. But I'm linking. That's what I do when there's something that is so disturbing that I don't actually want it on my blog, and how disturbing might that be? Very. Really. Sexist, racist, don't want to go there right now, but you should see it. Primary sources, gotta love 'em. )

"Thanks -- for the Vitriol!" scroll down.
Taking the FITH -- the divine series "Are You Fucked In the Head?"from vastleft at Corrente, here.

No Blood for Hubris Official Mental Health Interlude No.624b

Hey. It's Uno de Mayo.

Happy Beltane.


(Thanks to the legendary white witch of New York, Marion Weinstein.)

Official No Blood for Hubris Mental Health Interlude (No. 342)

So, when the Clinton/Obama drama palls, and one's personal samsaric trauma drama morphs into mere annoying mosquito-esque repetitiveness, what is there to lift one's spirits that does not involve staying up till all hours in virtual frolic with west-coast avs and their naughty boundaryless east-coast enablers?

(RL avatar yawns appreciatively.)

Well, there's this guy.

Seat-Sniffing Leader Breaks Down.

Official No Blood for Hubris Mental Health Interlude No. 2983

"Almost everybody in Washington is still calling for Alberto Gonzales to resign. President Bush said Gonzales' testimony last week increased his confidence in him. Bush said he'd had no idea Gonzales could lie like that." --Jay Leno

"Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich introduced articles of impeachment against Vice President Dick Cheney. Do you know what would happen if Cheney was impeached? George Bush would become acting president." --Jay Leno

"Reviews of Gonzales' performance were mixed. 99.99% of the people who saw it felt he embarrassed himself. The other .01% was this guy [on screen: Pres. Bush]" --Jon Stewart

"In the wake of his disastrous performance before the Senate Judiciary Committee, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales maintains that he still won't resign. ... Really, Alberto Gonzales? You're not going to resign? ...

During the hearings, you said 'I don't remember' or ' I don't recall' over 50 times. Don't lawyers need to have good memories? ... I'd rather have the guy from 'Memento' as a lawyer. My Commodore 64 has more memory than you, and it runs on bong water.

Even the most conservative senators think you should resign. Sam Brownback thinks you should resign, and he's so conservative, he thinks watching 'Will and Grace' gives you AIDS" --Seth Meyers

"Really, President Bush? You think [the Gonzales testimony] went well? Which part? Because the best thing anyone can say about Gonzales' testimony was that he didn't use the word 'nappy,' and he remembered to wear pants." --Amy Poehler

"Over in Washington, Alberto Gonzales testified yesterday before Congress. He is the Sanjaya of the Bush administration. He had a month to rehearse and he still sucked." --Bill Maher

"After weeks of mock testimony, there you have it. Alberto Gonzales doesn't know what happened, but he assures you, what he doesn't remember was handled properly." --Jon Stewart

"The Bush administration extended the tours of Army troops in Iraq by three months, increasing their stay to a total of 15 months. Troops responded to the news, saying, 'I'm gay.'" --Amy Poehler

"The White House said today that they have lost the e-mails requested by congressional investigators -- e-mails that may have dealt with the firing of those eight federal prosecutors. They lost them. Today the administration assured Americans that they are not corrupt, just incompetent." --Jay Leno

"Republican candidate Mitt Romney says that Hillary Clinton is wrong when she says it takes a village to raise a child. But when Hillary's book came out, Romney said Hillary was right and it does take a village to raise a child. For a lifelong hunter, this guy sure shoots himself in the foot a lot." --Jay Leno

"Because of the storms back East, over 250,000 people still without power. In fact, it was so bad in Washington, D.C., Attorney General Alberto Gonzales had to resort to destroying e-mails by hand." --Jay Leno

"President Bush picked [Iraq war architect Paul] Wolfowitz to head the World Bank in 2005. His mission? Use its mighty financial resources to raise the living standards of people around the world. His first beneficiary? Well, his girlfriend.

Last week it was disclosed that Wolfowitz had used his influence to get a promotion and a raise for his long-time paramour, World Bank employee Shaha Ali Riza -- considered to be a foremost expert on the Middle East. Which means -- you know what they say -- opposites attract." --Jon Stewart

Bush jokes
worst president ever

Slipping Through the Cracks in the System

It's hard to get someone hospitalized against his will.

It's hard to keep him hospitalized. No one wants to foot the bill, even in this "rich" country.

It's not as if people hadn't noticed VT shooter Cho's sexually harassing behaviors -- taking pictures with his cellphone of women's legs from under his desk, stalking one woman, sending harassing messages to another -- they were noticed. They were reported.

The night [Cho spent involuntarily] at the mental-health facility came a few weeks after police had been contacted by a female student upset over e-mails Cho had sent her, said Flinchum, the Tech police chief.

Cho had been sent to the hospital, and got out again. He didn't meet the criteria of "imminent danger." Hospitals these days are hard to get into, and easy to leave.

. . . Cho was referred to the university disciplinary system, which took no action because the offense seemed too minor, the chief said.

The offense seemed "too minor"?

Some bloggers think that way, as well. You know what wussies women are, eh?

Teachers and fellow students at Virginia Tech lived in fear of Cho Seung-Hui in the 18 months before he struck, it was revealed this afternoon.

. . .at one stage students were so scared of his behaviour that only seven out of 70 turned up for class, forcing lecturers to give him one-to-one tuition.

A lecturer was so frightened by Cho's violent fantasies that she made up a secret codeword so that she could alert security without him knowing.

A pattern had emerged around Cho, a pattern that had been noticed in terms of sexual harrassment, total absence of personal boundaries, and violent fantasies, a pattern that was alarming to many.

These people had alerted the system, the system did what it could -- a single involuntary hospitalization.

The same system is in place today.

So what are we going to do about it?

Virginia Tech massacre
violence against women
sexism

Official No Blood for Hubris Mental Health Interlude No. Eleventy-Twelve

"Yesterday, I. Lewis Libby, a.k.a. 'The Scooter', the vice president's chief of staff found guilty on four of five counts ranging from obstruction of justice to lying to a grand jury. Yes, we got the guy -- the one-man cancer on this White House has been removed." --Jon Stewart

"Obviously, this has come at a bad time for the White House. Usually, you want the conviction of a high-ranking official and the veterans-sleeping-in-moldy-rat-holes stories on different days." --Jon Stewart

"The White House feels very strongly this is yet another case of activist jurors destroying the lives of the disabled. These $5-a-day zealots were determined to put a man in jail just because a few details slipped his feeble mind." --Daily Show correspondent Samantha Bee

"This whole scandal came to light when Robert Novak became the first person to publish details outing the CIA operative. And it really would be a shame if amidst all the legal wrangling and the heated words about this case we lost sight of the one essential truth that I think all parties can agree on: Bob Novak is a HUGE douche bag." --Jon Stewart

"In the Valerie Plame case, Scooter Libby was found not guilty . . . on one of the five charges. . . . But the media is instead focusing, of course, on the four counts of perjury, lying to the FBI and obstruction of justice for which Libby was convicted. It's typical. They always see the glass as 80% guilty." --Stephen Colbert

"We have received word that many hundreds of American troops are being held in deplorable, squalid conditions. What kind of people would treat our soldiers in this horrible manner? Funny story -- turns out, it's us.

In a bombshell story, the Washington Post has reported that several buildings at the military's Walter Reed Medical Center are so poorly maintained that they are pits riddled with water damage, black mold, and in the case of the notorious Building 18, rampant infestation of cockroaches and rodents at Walter Reed. I can understand this kind of thing if you were running, I don't know, some kind of fast-food restaurant. Or, let's say, a hospital for cockroaches that had been injured in some kind of vermin battle.

"Why aren't we hearing the other side of this issue? Yes, there is tons of black mold growing in the walls where we house our wounded soldiers. But nobody mentions, mold can be used to make cheese . . . and penicillin. You might say Walter Reed's walls are dripping with medicine." --Jon Stewart

"The president has said no one supports the troops more than him. So, if you take him at his word -- and I see no reason not to -- anyone leaving the army is necessarily going into a less supportive environment, and that can't be an easy transition. . . . [These shoddy conditions] are a halfway house, so that soldiers can get accustomed to their terrifying, new Bushless world. You just can't throw them back to their family and friends, where God knows what will happen to them. You need to ease them into it with six months to a year of squalid aftercare in some type of bureaucratic limbo" --Daily Show correspondent John Oliver

"Those brave Americans who put themselves in harm's way. . . . I'm talking, of course, about the members of Congress who toured Walter Reed last week. Someone had to have the courage to walk through that hospital and then have the press document their disapproval. These folks have been fighting to improve the conditions for our wounded soldiers ever since the very beginning of two weeks ago." --Stephen Colbert

"It's hard for us civilians to understand the kind of sacrifice it takes for a congressman to respond to a Washington Post article, so let me put this into perspective for you: They can't just look out their window to see what's happening at Walter Reed. No, they have to get into a car. Walter Reed hospital is more than six miles from the Capitol. . . . Getting to Walter Reed from the Capitol is a march through hell, one that evidently takes more than four years to make" --Stephen Colbert

Official No Blood for Hubris Mental Health Interlude (#8)

Ho ho ho.

"A new poll shows that one in five Americans believe they can't trust President Bush. To put it another way, more Americans would be comfortable accepting a ride from Nicole Richie." -- David Letterman

"They had the Iraqi Commission report and President Bush says he will not make a decision about getting us out of Iraq until 2007. He says he wants to give it some careful thought . . . unlike getting us into Iraq." -- David Letterman

"Here's an interesting lawsuit. A judge has ruled that because all paper money feels the same, the government discriminates against the blind. I think that's unfair. The government doesn't discriminate against the blind. Hey, isn't that who got us into Iraq?" -- Jay Leno

"The president of Iran . . . is holding a conference on whether or not the Holocaust actually took place. . . . The good news? The conference is being catered by Taco Bell." -- Jay Leno

"President Bush has received a copy of the 96-page Iraq Study Group report. When they gave it to him, President Bush said, 'Don't tell me how it ends!' They said, 'Uh, it doesn't.'" --Jay Leno

"Dick Cheney's daughter, who happens to be a lesbian, is pregnant. ... That's great. It gives Dick another chance to get out the shotgun." -- David Letterman

"The Christmas tree at the White House fell over. Actually, it didn't fall over. What happened was President Bush was standing next to it when a photographer walked in. I guess the tree was trying to distance himself from President Bush." -- Jay Leno

The long anticipated Iraq Study Group report was delivered to President Bush recently. He promised to take it just as seriously as all the other Iraq reports stuffed down between his desk and the wall." -- Amy Poehler

"You know the part of the Iraqi report that concerns President Bush the most? Having to read it." --Jay Leno

"Exciting news from the White House. Vice President Dick Cheney's daughter, Mary, who is a lesbian, is pregnant. I think President Bush is a little confused about the big news. He immediately called the Lebanese Ambassador to pass on his congratulations." -- Jay Leno

"Mary Cheney said today she doesn't care if it's a boy or a girl, so long as it grows up to be a gym teacher." -- Jay Leno

Official No Blood for Hubris Mental Health Interlude No. 7a

"On Tuesday night, in an ironic turnaround, Iraq brought regime change to the U.S."
--Amy Poehler

"Germany is filing a war crimes lawsuit against Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld for allegedly allowing the torture of prisoners in Iraq and Guantanamo Bay. Man, that's when you know you've crossed the line -- when Germans are accusing you of war crimes." --Jay Leno

"Yesterday, Bush had lunch with the new Democratic Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi. I believe the main course was Rumsfeld's head on a platter."
--Jay Leno

"I don't want to say that George Bush is a lame duck, but this morning, Cheney shot him." --Bill Maher

"President Bush, on Wednesday, held a news conference where he vowed to work with the new Democratic majority. Which, if true, can only mean one thing -- the Democrats have a nuclear bomb." --Amy Poehler

"On Thursday, the Army launched its new recruitment slogan, 'Army Strong,' which replaces their previous slogan, 'Army of One.' Meanwhile, the Navy is sticking with their recruiting slogan, 'Iraq: It's Almost Entirely Landlocked.'" --Seth Meyers

"Today is Veteran's Day, so that won't affect anyone in the White House."
--Seth Meyers

"Next week, President Bush is going to Vietnam. So, it looks like he's finally going to finish up that National Guard duty."
--Jay Leno

"The only thing that really broke for conservatives on Tuesday was gay marriage. You know what state bucked the trend? Arizona. Conservative Arizona. I love Arizonans. They don't care if gays get married as along as they're not marrying a Mexican."
--Bill Maher

"Tomorrow President Bush is leaving for Vietnam. I guess this time his father couldn't get him out of it." --David Letterman

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the interstate. Nothing is moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists down the road have kidnapped George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. They're asking for a $100 million ransom. Otherwise they're going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, taking up a collection."

The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on an average?"

"Most people are giving about a gallon."



Hmm.


.

Official No Blood for Hubris Mental Health Interlude Number Six (?)

Had enough, gentle readers?

It's been a pretty sickening week, what with the uncovering of a pedophile sexual predator under the longterm protection of the GOP.

You still hanging in there? Good on ya, then, but I'm looking for a change of pace.

From the fabulous RJ Eskow, at A Night Light and HuffPo, "Surprised GOP Reacts -- Thought Child Molester Would Be 'Greeted as Liberator!'"

From The Rude Pundit, "Ten Pranks You Can Play On a Child Predator."

And more:

"(Foley's) in rehab, which means it only happened because he was drinking. We've all done it, folks -- drunk dialing. It's just that in Foley's case, it was drunk texting erotic messages to underage pages about masturbation." --Stephen Colbert

"The good news? Florida Congressman Mark Foley has entered rehab. The bad news? Rehab is a 14-year-old boy from Pakistan." --Jay Leno

"It's simple. You drink, you forget things -- especially things that could endanger minors. And I know people are wondering why Condoleezza Rice can't remember a July 2001 meeting with George Tenet where he warned her an al Qaeda attack was likely, even though White House records prove the meeting happened. She probably just blacked out. She was playing a drinking game. Every time you hear George Tenet say 'imminent,' you take a shot." --Stephen Colbert

"We're covering a story about a certain congressman. Let's call him 'Representative Mark Foley, Republican of Florida.' He spent most of his career protecting children from Internet stalkers. Turns out he was doing it so he could have them all to himself." --Jon Stewart

"Let's see what is going on with Father Foley. I'm sorry, Congressman Foley. As I'm sure you know by now, after getting caught sending explicit e-mails to underage boys, Florida Congressman Mark Foley has resigned. So his seat is up for grabs, which is what got him into trouble in the first place." --Jay Leno

"This is like the worst thing to happen to congressional Republicans since last Thursday . . . Most people think GOP stands for Gay Old Pedophile." --Jay Leno

"Mark Foley has now checked into rehab for alcoholism. Oh, shut up. Like that's the big problem. Who cares if he's addicted to Jack Daniels? He's addicted to little Jack and little Daniel. That's the problem." --Jay Leno

"I don't know how long Foley will be in rehab, but I'm pretty sure they don't want him home answering the door on Halloween." --Jay Leno

"Have you all been following this scandal in Washington with ex-Congressman Mark Foley? Well, a couple of days ago, he checked himself into rehab. It had gotten so bad he had to go out and develop a drinking problem.

The ex-congressman, if nothing else, is contrite. He says when he gets out of rehab, he wants a fresh start, and to turn over a new page." --David Letterman

Mark Foley
child sexual abuse
sexual predators and grooming

Official No Blood for Hubris Mental Health Interlude

"This week President Bush made a surprise visit to Afghanistan. The president said he heard it was a good place for an embattled leader to disappear into the mountains." --Tina Fey

"The President will follow up his speech by going to the Arizona border, which is historic. It will be the first time he's actually ever shown up with a National Guard unit." --Jay Leno

"President Bush said catching a 7.5 pound fish was his best moment since becoming president. You know the sad thing, a lot of historians would agree with that." --Jay Leno

"No, he was fishing on his ranch. He has a manmade lake that is artificially stocked with fish, and let's not forget the scuba divers who are under there who actually put the fish on the hook for him. And then Cheney comes over and they literally shoot fish in a barrel. The part I love is that he says he caught a 7.5 pound perch, when the biggest perch on record is 4.3 pounds. Bush lied and a fish died, that's all I have to say. And Cheney went even further. He said when they pulled the fish out of the water it greeted them as liberators." --Bill Maher

"President Bush has picked FOX newsman Tony Snow to be his press secretary. Snow once said that President Bush was an embarrassment, a leader who has lost control of the federal budget, and the architect of a listless domestic policy. Good thing for Snow Bush doesn't read the newspapers." --Jay Leno

"It is astounding, is it not, that the president, who was always so incestuously linked to oil companies for years and years is suddenly shocked, shocked, at what's going on. But I'm not surprised that Bush has no recollection of how gas prices got so high. He has no recollection of doing cocaine and that was right under his nose" --Bill Maher

"June 1st is the start of the hurricane season. President Bush is already stockpiling excuses." --David Letterman

"I don't think President Bush fully understands this immigration thing. Like today, when they asked him about amnesty, he said it's horrible when anyone loses their memory." --Jay Leno

"Bush said today canceling [the ports deal] sends a bad message to the Arab world. You know, not like invading their countries, putting them on leashes, making them masturbate, but bad." --Bill Maher

"Did you hear about this? According to a recent poll, three out of five Americans believe George W. Bush should be impeached. And when he heard that, the president said, 'Cool, I love peaches.'" --David Letterman

"President Bush's childhood home was turned into a museum. ... After hearing about it, President Bush said, 'I hope they got rid of the scary thing under my bed.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Did you know former President Garfield could write Latin with one hand and Greek with the other at the same time? That was Garfield. When President Bush heard about it, he said, 'We had a talking cat for president?'" --Jay Leno

"Bush's overall approval ratings have hit an all-time low ... If Bush's numbers don't improve, he could become the first president held back and forced to repeat his presidency." --Tina Fey

"President Bush met with the Prime Minister of Belgium and things got tense when the Prime Minister demanded the U.S. close the prison at Guantanamo Bay. President Bush quickly replied, 'The prison is closed. That's how we keep them in there.'" --Conan O'Brien

Official No Blood for Hubris Mental Health Interlude

Yuh, okay, so I used to number these, but I'm too lazy to go back and count. Maybe it's interlude number six. Who cares? I need a break. How about you?


His closest advisors came to visit Dubya at the White House one evening and found him slamming down beers and whooping it up. They were astonished, since he had given up drinking years ago. When asked why he was off the wagon, Dubya replied that he was celebrating finishing a jigsaw puzzle. They smiled and told him that wasn't much of an accomplishment. "Ah, but you're wrong. I did it in record time!" When asked what that record was, he replied that he had finished it after only 6 months. Again, they told him that wasn't that great. "Oh yeah?" said the commander in chief, "Well, the box says 3-5 YEARS!"

George H. W. Bush and George W. Bush were dragging the deer they had just shot back to their truck. Another hunter approached, pulling his along, too.

"Sirs, I don't want to tell you how to do something," he said, " But I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer the other way. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."

After the third hunter left, they decided to try it. A little while later George said to George, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"

"Yeah," says George, "but we're getting farther from the truck."

Cheney gets a call from his "boss", Dubya.

"I've got a problem," says Dubya.

"What's the matter?" asks Cheney.

"Well, you told me to keep busy in the Oval Office, so, I got a jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."

"What's it a picture of?" asks Cheney.

"A big rooster," replies Dubya.

"All right," sighs Cheney, "I'll come over and have a look."

So he leaves his office and heads over to the Oval Office. Dubya points at the jigsaw on his desk.

Cheney looks at the desk and then turns to Dubya and says, "For crying out loud, Georgie - - put the corn flakes back in the box!"

Extremists overthrow the US government, and they start rounding up important American politicians to execute. A firing squad is convened and Al Gore, Bill Clinton, and George W. Bush are all marched to a wall to be shot. As the extremists are loading their guns, Al Gore thinks, "Hmm. I've got to cause a diversion so I can get away." He yells "Oh, no. A TORNADO!!" and points behind the firing squad. As the extremists turn around to see if there is a tornado approaching, Al Gore jumps over the wall behind him and runs away.

The firing squad turns their attention back to the two men who are left. C linton quickly observes how well Gore's ruse has worked and yells "EARTHQUAKE!!" As the firing squad frantically looks for a place to take cover, Clinton jumps over the wall and he, too, escapes.

The firing squad resumes their stance and proceeds to take aim at George W. Bush. Dubya, believing that he, too, can create a diversion, frantically searches his mind for another natural disaster to use. Smiling to himself, he yells "FIRE!!"

Official No Blood for Hubris Mental Health Interlude

Yeah, ok, we're having a lot of mental health interludes. So sue me. These are dark times. Better yet, watch Will Ferrell on TransBuddha as Bush.

Will Ferrell - Bush on Global Warming on Transbuddha

Official No Blood for Hubris Mental Health Interlude

Day after day. Samsara. (Not the perfume). Torture, war, poverty, stupidity, hubris, blah blah birth, death, sickness, old age, passion, aggression, ignorance. Sometimes one just needs a break.

"Last night, Jessica Simpson turned down an invitation to meet President Bush at a fundraiser. Yeah, Bush said he invited Simpson because he likes being around people who challenge him." --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush was clearing brush at his ranch when he was scratched by a tree. That's a switch, a tree harming a Republican, when does that ever happen? I guess Bush has cut down so many trees they're starting to fight back now" --Jay Leno

"President Bush's approval rating is not good. A new Gallup poll puts it at just 36% which is a new low for his presidency. He is just slightly more popular than herpes now." --Jimmy Kimmel

"I know the country has been mired in deficit spending and it's been terrible burden on the country in terms of interest payments. Good news today out of Washington. They haven't paid down the debt or come up with any program to do so. What they did is raise the limit of debt we can go to to $9 trillion. It sends a great message to the kids: Hey, are you getting an F? Don't study harder, make the grading curve go out to K. Then your F looks like a C." --Jon Stewart

'In response to a request by the 9/11 commission, the White House agreed to declassify the president's daily intelligence briefing from August 6th titled "Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States." The commission also wants to see the August 20th briefing, "No Seriously Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States," and also from August 26th, "Mr. President, Please Put Down the Game Boy, Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States."' —Tina Fey

"Earlier today, the Pentagon launched the biggest air attack in Iraq since 2003. The White House said the attack will continue until President Bush's approval rating goes above 40%." --Jay Leno

"We're coming up to the third anniversary of the invasion of Iraq. I'm not sure how Bush is going to mark the occasion. I think we can rule out landing on an aircraft carrier and declaring mission accomplished." --Jay Leno

"Mexican President Vincente Fox announced that they have discovered oil under the Gulf of Mexico. In a related story, President Bush accused Mexico of having weapons of mass destruction." --Jay Leno

"Rumors are that the reason Dick Cheney didn't say anything about the hunting accident for about 24 hours was because he had been drinking. And I'm thinking, well jeez, he was probably drinking when we planned the invasion of Iraq." --David Letterman

"President Bush said that Bill Clinton has become so close to his father, he is like a brother. Which is great because it gives the first President Bush the smart son he never had." --Jay Leno