That Ol' Black Magic Called Power & Control: The Beat Goes On . . . . ..

And on . . ..

"She was 17 when she met her boyfriend, and 20 when she died at his hands. In between, Heather Norris tried several times to leave the relationship, which was fraught with control and abuse, before she was killed — stabbed, dismembered and discarded in trash bags.

Her death in 2007 in Indianapolis is one of several stemming from abuse in teenage dating relationships that have spurred states and communities to search for new ways to impress on adolescents — and their parents and teachers — the warning signs of dangerous dating behavior and what actions are not acceptable or healthy . . .

Although there are no definitive national studies on the prevalence of abuse in adolescent relationships . . . [e]xperts say the abuse appears to be increasing as more harassment, name-calling and ridicule takes place among teenagers on the Internet and by cellphone.

“We are identifying teen dating abuse and violence more than ever,” said Dr. Elizabeth Miller, an assistant professor of pediatrics at the School of Medicine at the University of California, Davis . .. .

“Few adolescents understand what a healthy relationship looks like,” Dr. Miller said.. Adolescents often mistake . . . excessive attention . . . as an expression of love, she said.

Kayla Brown, 18, was among them. At first, her high school boyfriend made a great impression last year when he “called my mother to introduce himself,” said Ms. Brown, a senior at an Indianapolis charter school.

Then he began “calling me every hour to see where I was and what I was doing,” she said. Finally, during an argument he slammed a chair into a cafeteria table and raised his fist.

She confided in her mother, who has suffered domestic violence, and followed her advice to break off the relationship. But it was not easy. For months, she had friends accompany her in the school hallways, even to the bathroom, to make sure she was not alone with him. . .

Deborah Norris, Heather Norris’s mother, said her daughter’s relationship with Joshua Bean also began innocuously but rapidly became threatening.

“When he would call or text her, she had to answer right away or there was trouble,” Ms. Norris said. “She became quiet and withdrawn around him, and that wasn’t like her.”

“She hadn’t seen him in four months,” she added, “and was getting ready to go to court because she had filed battery charges against him.”

Mr. Bean was convicted in Heather’s killing last September.

Ms. Norris, an accident investigator for the police, said, “What happened to Heather really opened the eyes of police, the people I work with, who used to look at domestic violence differently,” seeing it as a family matter.

What happened to Heather before she was killed is common in abusive relationships, said Stephanie Berry, the manager of community health at Clarian Health, a network of Indiana hospitals, which is leading the program being financed by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation.

Many teenagers, Ms. Berry said, “see the jealousy and protectiveness as ‘Oh, he loves me so much.’ Girls make excuses for it and don’t realize it’s not about love, but it’s about controlling you as [their] possession.”

And it's not only girls who are on the receiving end.

From Heather's Voice:

Controlling behavior includes:

* Frequently checking up on you to know where you are or who you're with
* Deciding what you wear or who you hang out with
* Limiting your normal activities so you can be with him/her more often

From Love Is Respect:

Are You Being Abused?

Does your boyfriend/girlfriend:

* Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
* Act jealous or possessive?
* Put you down or criticize you?
* Try to control where you go, what you wear or what you do?
* Text or IM you excessively?
* Blame you for the hurtful things they say and do?
* Threaten to kill or hurt you or themselves if you leave them?
* Try to stop you from seeing or talking to friends and family?
* Try to force you to have sex before you're ready?
* Do they hit, slap, push or kick you?

If you said yes to even one, you may be in an abusive relationship. Call us if you need to talk. We're here 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. All calls and chats are anonymous and confidential. Contact us by phone at 1-866-331-9474 (1-866-331-8453 TTY) or chat online from 4pm - 2am CST.

Why Don't They Just Get James Dobson To Beat the Crap Out of This Boy? That'll Teach the Damn Kid Not To Murder Grown-ups!!

Arizona Judge has issues with providing a 9 year old child in custody (accused of murdering 2 adults way back when he was 8) with a psychotherapist.

Rick Warren = Not Just A Talibangelical Kinda Guy, But a Dominionist Talibangelical Kinda Guy

OMG.

Happy New Year (plus a storm)

moderate to heavy snowfall is expected this afternoon ocean effect snow bands may persist through 1 am strong north winds with gusts up to 60 mph are expected late today and into this evening likely yielding near whiteout conditions.

The Turning Year

Nightfall. Clouds scatter and vanish.
The sky is pure and cold.
Silently the River of Heaven turns in the Jade Vault.
If tonight I do not enjoy life to the full,
Next month, next year, who knows where I will be?

Su Tung P'O

And Now for Something Completely Different: Department of Been There Done That

RevPaperboy has tagged one, with what he describes as the "latest stupid blog meme", and one must respond.

It's a job thing. One must make a list of all the jobs one has held so far.

So.

Jobs in chronological order (paying):

horrible job as clerk typing letters on stock certificates, Boston

GS-1 civil servant ordering wastebaskets and other supplies, Philly

dancer in bar, Pittsburgh (the tame kind of dancing, not pole-dancing. but dicey, dancing on actual bar 3 ' wide 4 feet off floor next to cash register w/out help of contact lenses while acrophobic )

grant writer, Boston Model Cities program, Roxbury (I don't know how I landed this job. I had just dropped out of college to work with the theater company below, to the dismay of my family of origin. My co-wokers were nice people, and there was a fabulous classic sub place across the street.)

actress, Blood Theater, Cambridge/Roxbury, w/desperately funny playwright who morphed into screenwriter & went on to pen "Air America," one of NBFH's fave movies.

camp counselor teaching theater & dance (Camp Sunningdale), Maine

actress, summer stock, Albany NY (including a charming love scene in Foster's "Tom Paine" as Marguerite Bonneville with Tom Paine, played by John McTiernan, later of the many Die Hards, which partially made up for (but not entirely) his having earlier slapped me viciously across the face (in character of course, Talthybios vs. Hecuba) during an improv for Nicholas Nabokov's production of Sartre's "The Trojan Women" at Planting Fields experimental college. yes some part of me after all these years still wants to punch him back but I'm buddhist now lucky for you, John, dear. ; )

general factotum, Academy of American Poets, NYC

actress, director, playwright, teacher for experimental theater in Chelsea, NYC; also festivals & gigs in US, Germany (Dusseldorf Schauspielhaus, Munich Theater Festival; Warsaw, Poznan, Teatre Kalambur, Wroclaw, Poland; residencies at Antioch, SUNY Albany, Bard, somewhere in Pittsburgh, too. What I remember best is at the Dusseldorf Schauspielhaus, still acrophobic, wearing five-inch high platform shoes, a floor-length blue silk dress, standing on the very edge of a table three feet off the floor, leaning backwards over the edge of the table, holding a mirror in my hands, and suddenly having a total blank for my lines. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. But then, they came to me. And I did not fall off the table and break my head.)

book shelver, Cornell Univ. Medical College/New York Hospital

new! just remembered! --->New York City Board of Elections, Proportional Represenation Balloting poll worker, Staten Island.

research secretary, later research editor on the uses and functions of language in medicine, CUMC-NYH

highly-paid fecal homogenizer, CUMC-NYH

Wang sec'y at CBS News Finance & CBS Records Law

Voice-over "The Emperor's New Clothes."

hopelessly inept waitress at east village famous ethnic restaurant on 2nd ave, the Kiev. Lasted maybe four days.

ESL teacher, ELI, Kathmandu, Nepal

travel & tourism writer; w/occasional news writing & restaurant reviews, and endless articles on Tibetan rugs, Kathmandu

editor for reports of international development projects, Kathmandu

breeder of a classic line of Tibetan Mastiffs, Kang-ri ( 'snow mountains' in Tibetan)

writer of Regency novels, novellas & short-stories for Zebra books

nanny, Boston

teaching assistant at residential school for violent traumatized girls, MA

licensed clinician specializing in treatment of complex trauma & dissociation, The Trauma Center, Boston (Allston)
& practicing elsewhere at NFP agency in MA now

---
unpaid work:

candystriper counting surgical sponges
counselor-in-training at riding camp
modern dancer
actress at LaMaMa E.T.C.
actress, several indie films, including a war protest flick where I played a corpse and had to undergo three hours of wound application and three hours of wound-removal all in the service of lying verrry still. which I did SO very well. lie still, I mean.
poems in the Paris Review, Chelsea, the Mississippi Review, Hanging Loose, Nimrod, and other small literary magazines and anthologies
translations of poems from Spanish, Nepali, Tibetan into English
back-up singer for 2 song demos
actress, director, playwright, Himalayan Amateurs/Extreme Off-Off Broadway Alliance
editor-in-chief for 706-page biography of an 18th-century Tibetan lama (initially translated into English by 6 different translators, among them four non-native speakers of English, each with a different native language.)
Youth Committee chair for American Women of Nepal
fashion-show choreographer
meditation instructor
publisher of dharma pamphlets, Mirror Editions, Kathmandu
Editorial board member, the Nalandakirti Journal, Rumtek, Sikkim
Brownie Guide Leader, Kathmandu
Member of the Board, The British Primary School, Kathmandu
board member, DC, Nepal
actress, community theater on NE isthmus
LMHC intern at elementary schools, middle school, domestic violence/sexual assault resource center
actress, writer of plays at other community theater on NE isthmus
board member, SSI-USA
state-certified domestic violence/rape crisis counselor

Now I must tag others. Hmm.

democommie at polrant.
The Out of Joint Times.
Advice From Abu Shri.
Kvatch at Ragebot.

Bristol Births Tripp. No, Really. She Does.

And Unto Her a Childe Is Born.

"While pregnant, Bristol often appeared with her mother as she campaigned across America during the elections.

Johnston's mother Sherry made headlines earlier this month when she was arrested and charged six felony drugs offenses.

Tripp joins a host of strange-named Palins. Alaska governor Sarah Palin's youngest son is called Trigg, and her eldest son is called Track.

The governor's office said the birth was a private family matter."

Brutal Murder Victim Broad Found to be At Fault For Brutal Death(s) of Self and Whole Family

So, I bet you all thought that the Missus in the Killer Santa murders waited too long before divorcing malevolent whackjob Bruce Pardo?

Pfft.

You are soooo wrong.

Apparently filled to the brim with a Very Special Kind of Christmas Spirit, spirited Anti-divorce activist Milhouse Gregor, via the ever-watchful Jesus' General, really lets that dead uppity broad have it, right in the kisser. And as a Primary Source, it is SO worth a read:

"This was not a case of spousal abuse, which has been defined by the United States Government as "beating your wife with a stick wider than her thumb". [?] Generally, one would have to be pretty well off; in a strong position, to have the luxury of living without support from one's husband. [?]

Also, one must have legitimate reason for the divorce. Life is not an all-you-can-eat buffet. You may not take food and throw it away when you get tired of the flavor, then get another plate of something else. [no vomiting?] Even at buffets you are encouraged not to take more than you can eat.

You wouldn't go into a candy store, chew up candy and regurgitate it back into the container with the other candy, would you? When you do that with food, it's considered to be vandalism, and it's considered to be sick. When you do it with people, you're actually rewarded for it with money.

But woman's eyes were bigger than her stomach, and now she is left with neither. Her body will rot to ashes in the ground and will be consumed by maggots. Mr. Pardo just helped to accelerate the process, and give her an attractive aroma which is pleasing to insect life. After all, we need to be considerate of the insects. [and why not]

Let that be a lesson to anyone thinking about getting divorced, or anyone for that matter, who is thinking about getting married. [marriage as punishment? death as punishment for having gotten married?]

There are a few people left in this country who care about the truth, and if you should have the honor; the privilege, of ever meeting one, or marrying them for that matter, please don't show your gratitude by divorcing them, or you may find yourself six feet under ground and burnt to a crisp. [misunderstanding of karma cause and effect?]

This woman made the decision to divorce Bruce Pardo, most likely without ever consulting her family [what no Saudi Arabian influence?], and considering no abuse was involved -- no legitimate reason for divorce -- no family in their right mind would advise divorce [no because Pardo is such a charmer?]. What this woman did was kill her family. [oh] The 8-year-old girl they talked about was killed by the woman, not Bruce Pardo. Her entire family was killed by her poor decision-making. She deprived them of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. She is the criminal."

Well, well. That settles that.

Hat-tip to Jesus' General.

World Of NBFH, Too

Been there, done that. Do that still.

From the front lines in Third-World America: You Know Who We Really Hate?

Hat-tip Susie Madrak via C&L.

Close Your Eyes and Think of -- What Part Of "No" Do Reichwing Wackos Not Understand? The Whole 'No' Part, No?

HERE's a fun piece from Town Hall by Dennis Prager about [hat-tip to bbrtpd]:

why women who don't want to have sex with their husbands should have sex with their husbands anyhow, the very beings with whom at that particular moment they don't actually want to be having sex with.

Got that?

Free will? Pfft.

Desire? Perish the thought!

Martial rape? No way. Mutual desire? No way, it's just one way. It's like Christmas! It's all about giving!

"A husband knows that his wife loves him first and foremost by her willingness to give her body to him."

Oh?
Right.

Me give body you. You give back when done.

"Every man who is sexually faithful to his wife already engages in daily heroic self-control. He has married knowing he will have to deny his sexual nature's desire for variety for the rest of his life."

[Coffeeespit.] Oh?
You know, this kind of thinking, like all the bestest sexism, is not only totally insulting to women, it is totally insulting to men. Prager builds a male archetype that is whiny, spineless, and testosterone-deficient and rampantly asexual. Smells Like Teen Spirit/Sounds like Rush Limbaugh?

"But, to repeat the key point, [a wife's] rejection of sex should happen infrequently. And it should almost never be dependent on mood — see Part II next week."

Ah yes. 'Lil woman as vibrator equivalent. 'Lil man as braindead wanker.

Well, I sure can't wait to see what else this guy has in mind. Hey, dude I'm in the mood! You give part II! Me no can wait!

In the meantime, ladies and gentlemen, let's just all lie back, close our eyes and think of England.

The Rick Pick: This You Call Change?

Eccch.

Here's a letter to the editor of the Seattle Times on hopeChangechope's choice of a real red-blooded American Talibangelical anti-gay guy to do the invocation at hopeChangehope's inauguration, an inauguration to which girly-dogs are uninvited, sweeties. (wink wink ; ) nudge nudge saynomore. )

And I hear he's invited Perenniel Paid-Ladies'-Man & Viagra Enthusiast Rush Limbaugh to swear in Hillary Clinton as SOS!!

Pfft.

Don't talk to one, for one is in such a bad mood.

Teacher Beats Kid To Death for Failing to Do His Homework

A cheery story for Christmas Day, eh?

Playwright Harold Pinter Dies.

Love Harold Pinter's work. RIP, Harold.

Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward Men

Merry Christmas.

Happy Holidays.

Keep the faith, baby.

Bush Breaks the Economy as If It Were a Toy He Got & Didn't Like; Broke Americans Can't Even Afford to Keep Their Pets

A very sad Christmas story.

Stories that go on and on as The Third-Worlding of America continues.

Let He Who Is Without Sin Cast the First Stone. No, really, I was just joking heheh. Go ahead & stone the bitch.

You just can't make this stuff up.

Talibangelical church blackmails female ex-church member to punish her for having taken a lover without their permission.

Well, well! What would Jesus do?


--
Hat-tip to Jesus' General.

WaPo Wants Pro-Torture Crowd to Get Away With Murder: Pardon Me While I Vomit Blood, Ma'am?

What is f*cking wrong with these people?

WaPo uses up column-inches on a column on why the US pro-torture crowd really ought to get off scot-free. And it's a real knee-slapper. Well, forehead-slapper, in this case.

Catch this:

"In the end, [stopping additional US torture] may be more important than punishing those who acted wrongly in pursuit of what they thought was right."

Oh. So all is forgiven if the torturers' hearts were in the right place?

Final Solution much, ma'am?

Pol Pot killing fields excusable since motivated merely by misguided childhood dweams of agwawian utopia?

(Slaps forehead. Hurts self. Groans.)

Hey lady, torturers' hearts are always in the right place, had you not noticed?

People are always doing really shitty things for the very best of reasons. That's why we have the rule of law.

Or used to. Till the feckless, reckless, out of control Bushist fascists came along, fueled by hubris and contempt for the rule of law. Oh, and you know, by a sharp streak of sadism .

But hey. That was then, this is now. Marcus [e.g. the establishment] wants these guys [Rummy, Cheney, Gen. Geoffrey Miller, etc.] to get away with it.

Well, I don't. How about you?

-----

Oh, and don't miss:
How Do I F*ck My Base? at Jesus' General.
Mike Flugennock
Obama's Divisive Choice of Rick Warren
The Daily Howler
In Which VastLeft Apologizes For Being Prematurely Correct

A Toast to Random Parenthood

Mr and Mrs. Duggar welcome their 18th random child to the universe.

Reminds me of . . .

Groucho Marx was interviewing a woman who had 18 children.

Groucho said, 'That's a big responsibility. Why so many children?'

The woman replied, 'Well, I just love my husband.'

Said, Groucho: 'Well, I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth every once in a while.'

Hey, it's not as if there were lots and lots of unwanted, abused, and neglected kids already out there, is there?

Nothing to It But to Do It

Gates orders Pentagon to draw up plan to shut down Gitmo.

How hard was that, really?

CIA's Tenet : Sleeping Pill PLUS Booze? Sounds a little suicidal gesture-y to me.

Or a little bad-conscience-y, how can I numb out this nightmare-y.

George Tenet: Drunk as a skunk in Bandar's pool, railing against the neocon cabal..

According to a story on TheAtlantic.com, journalist Patrick Tyler’s forthcoming book, A World of Trouble, includes a scene where Tenet is drinking copious amounts of scotch in the pool of a Saudi prince. Drunk and on sleeping pills, Tenet allegedly proceeds to rave about the Bush administrations attempts to pin Iraq’s missing weapons of mass destruction on him.

The December 16 story includes two passages from Tyler’s book.

A servant appeared with a bottle. Tenet knocked back some of the scotch. Then some more. They watched with concern. He drained half the bottle in a few minutes.

“They’re setting me up. The bastards are setting me up,” Tenet said, but “I am not going to take the hit.”

No wonder Bubble Boy had to give Tenet the Medal of Freedom.

Iraq Shoe-Tosser Was a US Torture Victim, Brother Asserts

Well, really what a fucking surprise.

One must congratulate the shoe-tossing torture survivor for his forbearance, must one not?

Cheney: The Leader of the (pro-torture) Pack

What, you mean Vice-President "Dick" Cheney?


One is shocked! Shocked!

Throwing Shoes at Bush

Throwing shoes at someone in Iraqi culture is like spitting in someone's face in our culture, a sign of utter contempt.

Throwing of the shoes at Bush's head in particular compounds the insult.

As does calling Bush a "dog."

A contempt trifecta for our departing Preznit Toad-Exploder.

Global Kiddy Porn Ring Busted

These people are scary, and very well networked, very slick, very aggressive.

They like to go after therapists working with their victims. They like to threaten child protection agencies. They are very hard to mess with.

I am glad to hear that one ring has been taken down. Kudos to Mukasey, et al.

" U.S. law enforcement agencies have arrested 61 people and rescued 11 children as part of the larger takedown of a far-reaching global child pornography ring, Attorney General Michael Mukasey announced Friday.

Mukasey said the international law enforcement effort started after a "horrible" discovery in 2006: Australian authorities discovered a child abuse video depicting a father who had been "sexually abusing his young daughters and producing images of that abuse."

The video had been widely distributed online in closed Internet forums and servers that authorities discovered.

Authorities arrested the father, identified only as a Belgian national, about a month after the discovery of the video.

The man allegedly had large amounts of child pornography in his possession, and had allegedly enlisted the services of an Italian photographer whom officials said documented the sexual abuse and added the documentation to as many as seven Web sites.

And Now For Something Completely Different More or Less

The Italian Job: Parmesan For the Needy.

KFC Workers In Hot Water After Sink Baths

UK Caused Cholera, Says Zimbabwe

Signed Article Exposes Autocratic Nature of Dalai Clique's Theocracy

Well, someone's sure got a bee in his or her Communist Chinese bonnet!

But all they need is --- mindfulness?