Official No Blood for Hubris Mental Health Interlude

"According to the Washington Post, Barack Obama and actress Scarlett Johansson are email buddies. Apparently they email each other back and forth. So, you've got a 23-year-old gorgeous, blonde actress emailing a married presidential candidate. Well, what could go wrong there? Not to be outdone today, John McCain admitted he had been exchanging flirty emails with Angela Lansbury." --Jay Leno


"CNN reports that John McCain is aggressively trying to win over the independent vote. Yeah, of course, to John McCain, independent means anyone who can make it to the toilet without help." --Conan O'Brien


"And John McCain is campaigning very hard. Every day I pick up the newspaper, he's someplace else. He's got a new strategy. Well John McCain just announced he wants to do a series of town hall meetings where he'll meet with the public. Yeah, it's all part of McCain's 'Speak Up, I Can't Hear You' tour." --Conan O'Brien


"McCain came out this week with a list of 20 possible running mates. He would not reveal the names of all of them, but he said they all share certain traits, like knowing CPR. He said he wants someone who is ready take over on day two." --Bill Maher


"Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John McCain have all been arguing, claiming that they're the most qualified person to answer the White House phone at 3 a.m. Yeah, McCain said, 'I'm the most qualified, because I'm usually up at that hour peeing anyway.'" --Conan O'Brien


"John McCain is now crisscrossing the United States campaigning. Or, as they're calling it, Antiques Roadshow." --Jay Leno


"We're leaning more and more about John and Cindy McCain. He's on this big biography tour. I guess his wife Cindy is worth over $100 million because the family made money selling Budweiser beer. So he has a wife 20 years younger than him, free beer, and unlimited money. I think I speak for all guys when I go, 'Why is he running for president?'" --Jay Leno


"Did you hear about this? Two State Department employees were fired -- this is a bit of a scandal -- because they were looking at Barack Obama's passport file. Not only that, but the same person was also looking at John McCain's Civil War records." --David Letterman


"John McCain's daughter is in the news. John McCain's daughter says that a lot of guys don't want to date her because her dad makes her too high-profile. Yeah. That's part of the reason. It's also because McCain's daughter is 63 years old." --Conan O'Brien


UPDATE: Yes, you read it here, an entire post that is naught but a vast festival of ageism, posted by oneself, apparently unable to blog more at present about Elephant-in-de-Room Dem on Dem internecine bloody warfare.

I visited the Fully-Abandoned Orange Cheeto on a mission for a friend, and learned that being concerned about FISA makes one a "traitor" and a "purity troll." O-kay. I went elsewhere and learned that I am not allowed to be a PUMA Obamist for that would betray PUMA purity. O-kay. Then I went to the Confluence and learned about widespread cyber-attacks against PUMA bloggers. O-kay.

It all makes me want to put a big paper bag over my head and go into a deep corner of the room and have a good long sulk. And then rip out Unity Pony's IV.

How about you?